26 March 2006

On Friday night I had my first game of cards in a long time. Money was involved. Alcohol was involved. At the end of the night what cost me most was not the $35 I invested in the poker game, but the shots of vodka I earned in the side game.

The side game is known as thumbs. The first time, both Dave Rudd and I didn’t know the rules. It is irrelevant really to understand the rule, but here goes. A person places their thumb on the table, the last person to place their thumb on the table earns a shot. Once he takes his penalty (or reward?) he is now known as the ‘thumb man’. He then controls the game being the first to put his thumb on the table. And so it goes until there is one man left. You can’t pre-emptive thumb either. You can’t just place your thumb on the table at the end of the last game.

You always know when you are the last person who has not put his thumb on the table because in the middle of a conversation there are loud cheers and laughing. It was much like the scene in 'Master & Commander' when the boat finally headed North. Steven Maturin, the ship's surgeon and naturalist was in the middle of a discussion and the Naval Officers in mid sentence cheered and drank to some event. Maturin sat at the table having no idea what was going on. On Friday night Maturin and I had a lot in common. Of course, whether on HMS Surprise or at Boysey's dining table, the when and where the cheers and laughing would break out struck me as problematic. From my foggy recollection, I always seemed to be either dealing the cards (involving the use of two hands) or in an animated conversation about something not related to cards, Boysey’s CD collection or Indiana Jones.

Everybody knows the easiest way to shut me up is to tie my hands up, I am always gesturing and articulating and reinforcing what I say with hand gestures. So in the middle of arguing a particularly salient point there would be this round of cheers going up around the table. I would frantically look around to discover, yet again, that I had forgotten the side game and was once again earning a shot, or a skull of a vodka cruiser. I can’t skull to save myself, so the vodka shots (Stolli OP Blue if you don’t mind – thanks Boysey for that) were the order, because if you fail to down the skull or the shot – you get another.

Also problematic given the fact that I articulate and gesticulate with my hands is the pointing rule. You also are not allowed to point. So even when I wasn’t last at thumbs, I would then point to the person who was, thus earning another shot. I use to consider myself a good multitasking kind of fellow. A man who could handle 20 down production systems in a day and fix and manage them all. Thumbs, and Pointing games on Friday night prove that I am no good at multitasking unless I’m actually concentrating on multitasking. All well and good, but I couldn’t remember the David Lee idiots guide to Texas Hold’em and play thumbs and elbows. Nobody wants to be in a work frame of mind when you are playing a game of cards and having a few (dozen) beers with your mates.

Then last weekend there was holes at Jim Roy’s house. Holes is similar to thumbs, except with holes you form a hole with your index finger and thumb. The objective of holes is that you don’t look at the hole. If you do you earn a punch on the arm. If you can stick your finger in the hole and remove it you earn the right to dish out five punches, if your finger is caught in the hole you earn five not one punch.

Where do the British get all of these games, and why don’t we have these games here? I can’t remember a single drinking game like this at College, I can’t remember any. Occasionally we did boat races at University but that was it. It was alcohol, we wanted to drink it and we did. End of story. That said I would never ever dream of suggesting with this lot that we go to boat races. Oliver Garside downs a pint in under a second, he’d be my choice at anchor anyday. Boysey the same, Kingy I suspect not that far behind, and I’ve seen Neishy at work too.

All these games are done in good faith and good fun. No argument from me about that. I was just as devious when I was the thumb man as any other bloke at the table. It’s a wonderfully enigmatic thing about the British and their rituals about having good fun. Everyone’s an equal and it strikes me that the point of these games is not to crucify one man - although given my propensity to talk, point and be easily distracted I am an easy target, the point of these games is to have fun. Drinking is the norm, drinking with thumbs, fingers, holes and elbows just livens up an already lively night downing a few beers. To my mind there is no harm, and great gain in doing this, because it brings a group of friends even closer together.

For sure for me the result of the thumbs and elbows was a crippling, bed ridden hangover the next day. But by 5pm I was fine. I was so fine by then that I was ready to do it all again. Scary but true.